biologydyke:

do u ever behave politely and respectfully towards retail workers just to flex on freaks who blame employees for every inconvenience

the-flightoficarus:

just-shower-thoughts:

Your future self thinks you’re stupid

My present self thinks I’m stupid too future me isn’t special

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

beowulf22121:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

memereposts:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?

‘Tis the fuckin’ season, friends!! Get out there and live your worst life!!

What the fuck is happening

Why don’t you grab a can of ravioli and ask!

how about I just whip a can of Mountain Dew as high into the air as I can and read the splash patterns when it busts open on the road?

I have until a car drives over it and makes tire tracks in the dew to get a good reading, and somehow the busy streets seem to be more accurate at this form of divination.

This is what I’m talking about!

myathesleepyoctopus:

myathesleepyoctopus:

official-lyzzystardust:

ralsalot:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

teachers, share the weird crap your kids have done!

I’m not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me “why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?” They’re 11

An 4th grader asked for a high five by saying, “A little slappy to make daddy happy?”

I did not give him a high five.

A student during break had her head in her arms and was shaking a bit, so i asked the kid next to her whether she was laughing or crying and this 8 year old stared me in the eye deadpan and said “im crying on the inside”

Wait i take that back, I cant believe i forgot about the time i brought in a small stuffed octopus as a class mascot because why tf not. It was a class of high schoolers and i didnt imagine theyd actually care much, but one student snuck in a snack and gave it to the octopus as a tribute. Which led to other students doing the same thing, until every day there was a pile of of offerings to Fweej the Overseer, mostly consisting of things like string cheeses and small bags of chips, but sometimes there wouldd be a couple bucks in quarters, one kid brought in some giant pocky i think, and at one point there was a cold stone gift card. This stuffed octopus gained a cult following.

Later i brought in another stuffed octopus that looked exactly the same but bigger and told the class that Fweej the Overseer accepted their offerings and became stronger. These highschoolers lost their goddamn minds.